Growing up, I thought somehow being vulnerable meant being weak. If I shared my feelings somehow the world would wash away and everyone would know that I too, got things going on. I think this has been with me since I was a child. I remember the first time someone read my diary, I had all these feelings and things I wanted to express but I didn’t let them show. I remember writing and writing so much until someone would find it, read it then tell the world I had feelings. ‘Oh no!! They’re gonna know!’ I would always say. I remember the time I got in trouble with my grandma and other stuff were happening in my house, I remember going back to my closet (where I kept my stationary) and writing away. I’d write and write until the sun would go down, or come out, one of them. I remember being huddled up one day and coming home and noticing the key to my diary was unlocked. ‘Uh oh,’ I thought, someone will know I just fought with my grandma, so I scribbled the whole thing out and washed it away, until I pretended it didn’t exist. But I knew it did and I knew that I had simply scribbled it away. Why did I do that? But other days I’d write and scribble away until I couldn’t read it anymore. But if there is one thing I learned it is, your vulnerability is your superpower. It’s where the base of who you are and who you are meant to be is alive. It is the base of who you are and the base of your truth. Breaking down doesn’t mean you’re a mess, it just means you’ve acknowledged that something isn’t working and it’s time to adjust to get the results you want. It’s time to figure out, ‘what makes me happy?’ Who am I really and why in my soul isn’t something sitting right?’
If you tried writing and you feel like you’re at the surface or on top or can’t seem to put the paper to the pen, most likely there isn’t truth there.’ Before hitting ‘go or publish,’ pretend like you never saw anyone, knew anything or no one was going to read what you are writing. Write from that place of truth; there you can find a true expression of you, you can find you.